Even the friendliest divorces take a toll on the parties’ well-being. If children are involved, even more so- not to mention family, friends and the many adjustments couples must make during and after they dissolve their marriage.
There is hope around the corner
While divorce is never easy, you will see a light at the end of the tunnel, even when you cannot imagine it now. It is vital to remember that the emotions associated with the divorce process will pass, and you will adapt to your new normal.
There are many tools you can use to try to help yourself during and after the divorce. In addition, you can:
- Seek counseling
- Join a divorce support group
- Establish a solid network of friends
In addition, you can begin the inside work to heal from the divorce. This inside work refers to the conscious thoughts and attitudes that you choose to have during this time, which can make a significant difference in your healing process.
1. Acknowledge that the divorce is happening
Often, people think they know what to expect emotionally after a divorce, only to be overwhelmed entirely by unexpected emotions and feelings that they did not know were even there. Many people ask themselves, “What have I done?” thinking they must have made a mistake when it was their best decision. Do not panic, and try to remember why you divorced in the first place.
2. Accept that feeling pain is a normal part of a divorce
Feelings are not necessarily how things are. You may feel very sad one day and, sometime later, feel much better. In the case of divorce, it truly does get better. In the beginning, you may feel overwhelming sadness over the loss of the life you had or the plans you had for your life. Grieving that loss is perfectly fine and healthy, and with grief comes pain. It will not last forever.
3. Allow yourself time and space to heal
Sometimes people who have just gotten out of a marriage rush to make drastic decisions. They want to move to a place far away, seek another serious partnership immediately, open a business, or make other life-changing decisions. It is imperative to remember that you could be trying to escape from the pain by keeping yourself busy undertaking large projects, which you may later regret. Take your time recovering. Later on, you will be able to undertake projects you have always wanted to do.
4. Grieve the loss now rather than later
Grief is not pleasant nor fun for anyone. Whether you wanted the divorce or not, you will go through a period of grief. Trying to jump over your feelings may give you the illusion that you are over it now, but it will resurface later, and sometimes it comes back in uglier ways.
It is best to grieve the loss now as you are going through it. If you need help, do not feel ashamed to get professional help. There are many mental health care professionals who deal with divorce day in and day out and can help you process your emotions.
Divorce is difficult, but there are tools to help you get yourself back on your path to happiness and contentment. It is essential to take your time with things and to seek help if you need it. Resources are available to help you and your family as you truly move on.